Letters

In between trying to find a place to live and finding a full-time job, I've begun writing letters. Two letters a day...one for Ange...and one to a local radio station, in hopes that they'll help me with the air fare. I don't know what else to do. I need to get there sooner than later...before I lose her completely.

If anyone has any suggestions, I'm happy to listen.

As soon as I find a place to call home, I will begin working on a few small paintings and I hope to sell those. I'll post pictures as they come along.



PS. I happened to get her Valentine's gift in the mail today... she sent it before this all happened and we were supposed to open it together on MSN. :'(
It turns out she gave me a necklace...which is what I sent her as well.
A hoodie (jumper) of hers that I wore while she was here was in there...and I want to put it on and never take it off..

It's only been 3 days...

I've been sick to my stomach every day since she left. And my heart aches.

The Plan so far...

The only thing going on in my head is that I need to get there. And fast. She said once that she wished her life was more like The Notebook...and less like Romeo and Juliet.. something like that. I want to be her happy ending. :(


So my plan so far.... is to get as much money as I can saved...I don't know what I'll need exactly but I know this much so far:

1. Passport $80
2. Plane ticket $2000
3. Money to cover rent while I'm gone $600


How am I gonna do this? I don't know. But the plan so far is....

1. Work as much as I possibly can...anywhere I can.
2. Sell my car $800 ( I hope)
3. Never give up


I have hope. That's all I have right now. Thinking about the movies like, 'Return to Me'...

Where to start...

I met Ange online around March 2009. When we first started talking, I didn't know what she looked like...but through her words, I knew she was beautiful. I didn't know where things would go...but I knew it could be beautiful.

For the past year, we have been talking online, through emails, texts, on the phone, on MSN with the webcam.... anyway we could figure out to talk and be with each other, we did. At the end of October, she flew across the world to be with me. She stayed here with me for a week and then we went to BC together for two weeks so she could meet my family. It was the best three weeks of my life and saying goodbye to her at the end of it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I had never been in love before her. I was in love with her before we even met in person...and even more so after we did.

The past two and half months since she's been gone have been...emotional. I've cried almost every day since she left. The days have gotten harder and harder to face...knowing she's there and I'm here. Discussions about moving to Australia...the visa process...the money it will take...have taken over. But we said that if we could get through this, we could get through anything. We said that we'd always be together. We said that we'd do what it took...because we knew that we shared one heart.

But the frustration and stress of the situation has taken it's toll...and yesterday, we said goodbye to each other. I didn't want to. I don't think she did either...but a person can only take so much heartache. I feel like I'm the one to blame. When things got stressful, I pushed her away instead of getting closer. Instead of talking, I became silent. Instead of kind words, I took out my frustrations on her. And now she's gone. And I don't want to live without her. :'(

My first instincts were to lay down and cry. To never get up again. My first thoughts were that I didn't care anymore...about anything. But I do care. So much. I care about her and I can't just give up. Not on life and not on finding her again. She's the other half of me...my heart isn't whole without hers. And so I'm going to do what it takes to get to Australia...to try and win her back...

...and I may need your help.